The day that I became a veterinarian,
I had a sudden overwhelming wish
To be a pure and simple vegetarian
And give up eating all that meat and fish
So now I live on healthy food instead!
Like apple cores
And parsnip juice
And chunks of plain brown bread!
When I see my fellow men
Consuming sirloin steak
And I find myself enjoying tea and Dundee cake
There is really only one conclusion I can make
I’m a devoted vegetarian!
When my host at dinner offers
Succulent roast beef
Proudly I refuse it
People stare in disbelief,
Lost in admiration as I nibble on a leaf
A very noted vegetarian!
I don’t even eat horseradish, in case I upset the horses!
I stay away from deviled ham on principle!
I wouldn’t eat roast duckling if I could!
Will power has made me invincible!
My word, those sausages do look good!
Turnip pie and peanuts
That’s the sort of filth I eat!
Any sort of rubbish
That is wholesome and discreet!
Why don’t I admit that my hypocrisy’s complete?
If I should live to be a centenarian
Become our most adored humanitarian
I’ll never make a decent vegetarian!
I’m a cheat!
I love meat
I’m a cheat
Yes, I am!
I love red-blooded juicy chunks of meat!
Legs of lamb!
Sides of beef and chops and steak and veal!
And pork, of course!
My favorite meal!
And then I hear poor Gub-Gub squeal!
A reluctant but sincere vegetarian